Come and get me, boys

It's time for dinner.

Kinda Sorta Beef and Broccoli

Want the recipe?

First up, the rice. My stupid rice cooker quit my ass two nights ago for reasons unknown. Perhaps it took up with the wok I lost in the move. I suppose it's a blessing in disguise since being without it brought to mind a simple rice "recipe" I used frequently before that little appliance came into my life.

Simple Rice

Melt one tablespoon of butter in a heavy saucepan. Mince up nice and fine one glove of garlic and add to the butter. Drop in 2 cups of calrose* rice. Stir over high heat until the rice is nice and shiny and looks a bit like well sweated onions. Pour in three and a half cups of water and bring to a boil, stirring so the rice doesn't stick. Cover with a lid and reduce heat to just a bit above low. Let cook for 10-20 minutes or until you see little tunnels in the rice.

*Calrose rice is a California rice that's really popular in Guam, Hawaii and parts of Asia. And I had no idea it was from California until I looked up just now on Wikipedia. It's in the asian section of the grocery store if it's not with the regular rice and usually comes in a big yellow bag. You can sub some other rice though, just not the minute stuff.

Now onto the stir fry. It's a blending of a couple different recipes I've used at one time or another. Accordingly, the measurements are more eyeballed than exact. So taste along the way and adjust as necessary.

Beef and Broccoli

1-2lbs of beef (I used top blade steak because it was cheap and cheap is my friend)

2 cloves of minced garlic

1 bag of frozen asian stir fry veggies

2 cups of frozen broccoli

1/3 c of teriyaki sauce

1/3 c ketchup (yes, I said ketchup, dooooeeeeet!)

1 1/4 c chicken broth

1 1/2 tsp corn starch

1. Stir fry the veggies and broccoli until heated though, seasoning with a bit of salt and pepper. Remove from pan and set aside.

2. In a medium bowl, mix together the teriyaki sauce, ketchup, chicken broth, and cornstarch until well blended, especially the cornstarch. It tends to stick to the bottom of the bowl.

3. Slice the beef nice and thin against the grain. Add a tbsp of butter or oil. Drop in the beef and the garlic. Season with salt and pepper and cook until just shy of done. Pour over the teriyaki mix and cook until the sauce is thickened.

4. Pile the rice onto a platter or into a cassarole dish. Pour the veggies on top, followed by the saucy beef.

Donzo!

And hopefully yours looks better than my cellphone's crap camera.

stuck on you

Someday I'll own an amazing camera that will take amazing pictures and do the dishes all at the same time. Until then, this will have to do. And omg, I'm feeling like a goodyear blimp because I absolutely cannot stop picking at the pork roast. Wanna know how to make it?

Cumin Lime Roast Pork

3 cloves of minced garlic

3 tbsp of olive oil

1 tbsp fresh chopped oregano

1 tbsp fresh chopped rosemary

2 tbsp lime 

1 tsp of cumin

2 tbsp of brown sugar

Mix all of the above in a bowl. Add salt and pepper to taste. Actually, go just past to taste. It should be a little saltier than you like it, especially if you're using a really fat hunk of meat. If your roast has skin on one side, score it with a sharp knife in a diagonal grid pattern. If you're like me, you'll try every knife in your drawer and even the scissors before it occurs to your dumb ass that you own a knife sharpener. Then you'll feel like a moron and second guess you're ability to turn out this pork roast. So I'll spare you that moment and tell you ahead of time to make sure your knife is sharp as hell.

Back to the roast. Shank the crap out of all the non-pork fat sides then bathe it with the sauce/marinadeish stuff. Now it's time to get up close and personal with your roast. Rub it all over, into the slices, into the pork fat, the curves, etc. Then lay it in a foil lined pan fat side up. Pour the excess sauce over the fat and cover with more foil, sealing it up night and tight.

Drop in a 350 degree oven and cook for about 45 minutes or so. Peel off the top layer of aluminum foil and return to the oven. Cook until the fat on top is really brown and crispy. If you google it, you'll find out temp you should cook pork to but I just eyeball it. If it's a thick roast, it will take longer. If it's thinner or boneless, it will take less time.

Pull out the roast and set aside. Please don't cut that bad boy too soon. You did not spend all that time making it all tender just to slice into it fresh out of the oven and let the juices fall out every where. So let it sit at least ten minutes. Trust me, as big as that beefy, I mean porker is, it's not gonna get cold in ten minutes.

While you're doing that, pour off the drippings into a pan. Let it cook on high until reduced. I know, I know, it's making that weird bubbling thing that makes you think you might be killing it. You aren't. Let it go. When it's about half or so, pour in about a quarter cup of vermouth or you could use chicken broth if you aren't a total lush like me. Let it cook a bit more then taste. You might need to add salt or you might want to add a bit more vermouth/chicken broth.

Slice up the roast and arrange on a platter. Drizzle three to four tablespoons of the sauce over the top.

And there you go. Pork you could hold hands with as you take a long walk on the beach together.

I served it with green beans sauteed in garlic and my friend Amy's Smashed Potatoes, the latter of which my husband adored best of all. So thanks, Amy.

For dessert, pinky helped me pack up a cobbler made from fruit I bought at the farmer's market. Strawberries, blueberries, and peaches. It was just a standard cobbler recipe but I was out of cornstarch and used flour instead. I totally Sandra Lee'd it up though and used Redi-whip.

Pretty good for a Sunday dinner, if I do say so myself obviously.

'Cause She Takes Corners on Two Wheels

For Susan:

Hope your date night with mr man goes decent and that neither of you end up crying in your hurricanes.

BTW, if you bought this damned cookbook when I told you to, I wouldn't have to type this hot mess up for you, now would I? So would you buy it already?????

Skillet Jambalaya via Cover and Bake

4 bone in, skin on chicken thighs
salt and pepper
5 tbsp veggie oil
1/2 lb andouille sausage, halved lengthwise and sliced into 1/4in pieces
1 med onion, chopped
1 med red bell pepper, stemmed, seeded, and chopped
5 med garlic cloves, minced
1 1/2 cup long grain white rice
1 14 oz can diced tomatoes, drained
1 8z bottle clam juice
2 1/2 cups chicken broth
1 lb large shrimp (31-40 count) peeled, deveined and rinsed
2 tbsp chopped fresh parsley

1. Dry chicken with paper towels then season well with salt and pepper. Heat two tbsp of oil in a skillet just until smoking. Lay the chicken thighs skin side down and cook until golden, about 4-6 minutes. Flip chicken and keep cooking until that side is golden too, about 3 minutes more. Off heat, remove from pan and pull off the skin.
2. Pour off all but two tbsp of the fat left in the skillet and turn the heat up to medium high until oil is shimmering. Add the sausage and cook until lightly browned, about three minutes. Transfer sausage to a small bowl and set aside.
3. Add the remaining 3 tbsp of oil to the skillet and return to medium heat until shimmering. Add onion, pepper, garlic, and 1/2 tsp of salt. Cook, scraping up the browned bits, until onion is softened, about five minutes. Add rice and cook until the edges turn translucent, about three minutes. Stir in the tomatoes, claim juice and chicken broth into the rice. Gently nestle chicken in the rice. (Yes, the recipe said nestle. You think I'd say that? Uhm no!) Cover and reduce heat to low and cook until chicken is tender and cooked through, 30-35 minutes.
4. Transfer chicken to a place and cover with foil to keep warm. Stir the shrimp and sausage into the rice and continue to cook, covered over low heat for two more minutes. Remove the skillet from the heat and let stand, covered until shrimp are fully cooked and the rice is tender, about five minutes. Meanwhile, shred the chicken using two forks. Stir parsley and chicken into the rice and season with salt and pepper to taste. Serve immediately.

Do you own this?

I bought it about three years ago but it's still available on Amazon, because Amazon is awesome like that.

This cookbook features every comforting dish you've ever met but overhauls them from the buffet table at Golden Corral to an art form that you just want to crawl into and live for all eternity. Lasagna, mac and cheese, ziti, chicken enchiladas, and all the American classics, including pete's Smothered Pork Chops. But lest you think it all standard fare, there are also recipes for Chicken with 40 Cloves of Garlic from France, Moroccan Chicken Tagine, Italian White Bean Cassarole, Thai Curry and Irish Guiness Beef Stew.

The best thing about the cookbook, aside from the kick ass recipes, is all the detail the writers go into explaining how to choose the right ingredients, why you should use a shallow sided frying pan, how to chose a frying pan, etc. I dare you to try to screw up one of these recipes, even if adding cream of crap to rice is the extent of your cooking skills.

Now that I've yammered your ear off, here's the recipe for Smothered Pork Chops.

4 slices of bacon, chopped
3 tbps flour
1 3/4c chicken broth
1 tbsp veggie oil (I used olive oil)
4 bone in pork chops, 1/2-3/4 in thick
salt and pepper
2 medium onions, halved and sliced thin
2 medium cloves of garlic, minced or pressed
1 tsp thyme
1 bay leaves

1. Fry the bacon in a medium saucepan over medium heat until lightly browned. Remove, leaving behind the fat. Hide the bacon in a safe place lest you eat it all before you're done cooking.
2. Reduce heat to medium and sprinkle the flour over the surface. Stir with a wooden spoon, letting the flour cook until it's golden brown, working out any lumps. Add chicken broth in a steady stream as you stir. Reduce heat to low, cover and keep warm.
3. In a skillet, heat the oil. Pat the pork chops dry with paper towels then salt and pepper generously. Add to the frying pan and sear on very high heat until deep brown. Turn and repeat on the other side. Remove from pan and set aside.
4. Drop heat to medium and add the onions and a 1/2 tsp of salt. Stir as you cook, scraping up the browned bits, until the onions get all golden and soft. Add the garlic and the thyme and stir through. Put the pork chops back, covering them with the onions. Pour in the sauce, add the bay leaves and turn on low. Cover with a lid and cook on low for 30 minutes.
5. Remove the pork chops and cover with foil. Heat the sauce and onions on high, stirring until the sauce thickens into an amazing gravy. Season with salt and pepper if necessary.
6. Serve with rice.

This is the plague that never ends

How many days has it been?

And can anyone explain to me why this was left off the warning list when you talk about the decision to have children?

I took a four hour nap today and I still feel like crap. So I'll be turning in early today. Before I go, let's talk about what I accomplished today . . . NOTHING! Actually, I did get out of bed at quarter til seven and hung out with the kiddie beans until the school bus came. Then I did nothing.

It's a start.

I leave you with an easy crock pot recipe.

Tomato Beef

2-3lbs beef roast
1 can of stewed tomatoes
2 cloves of minced garlic
salt and pepper
1 tsp each basil, oregano, and tarragon
1 bay leaf

Pour into the crock pot and cook on high, covered for 6-8 hours or until the beef falls apart. Discard the bay leaf and serve over rice.

"Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed."

HA!

That little gem was taken from a 1955 article in an issue of "Housekeeping Weekly." I'll give you a moment to stop laughing hysterically.

Need more time?

At first glance, you kind of sort of want to punch the man who wrote this in the face. And really, it had to be a man, yes? But let's ignore the part where they paint the wife as man's only salvation after a grueling day at the office and focus on the actual advice. While I might not agree that mr man's day was so immeasurably more difficult than mine, I do think that having a plan in mind and serving dinner at the same time every day is a really good idea.

So, that's goal one. Eat dinner by 6:00.

Speaking of dinner, want a simple recipe for potato soup?

4 strips of bacon. cut into small pieces
1 clove of garlic, smashed and minced
4-5 medium potatoes
2 cups chicken broth
2 cups water
1 bay leaf
1 cup half and half
1 tbsp butter
3 oz shredded cheese

1. Cook the bacon in a heavy sauce pan on high heat, stirring often until brown. Remove the bacon and set aside, leaving the bacon fat in the pan. Turn off the heat and try not to nibble too much of the saved bacon like my fat ass usually does.

2. Drop the minced garlic into the bacon fat and turn the heat to very, very low. While that sits, cut your potatoes into 1-2 inch cubes. Turn the heat up to high again and add the potatoes. Make sure you stir it fairly often so the garlic doesn't burn.

3. Sprinkle generously with salt and pepper and a couple shakes of garlic powder. When the potatoes are all golden crispy, pour in the chicken broth and water. Add the bay leaf. Cover and let cook over medium heat.

4. After about ten minutes, taste the broth and add salt and pepper if necessary. Replace the cover and continue cooking on medium heat. Once the potatoes are fork tender, use the back of the spoon to mash them against the sides of the pot.

5. Remove the bay leaf. Then, stir in the cream, butter, cheese, and bacon.

6. Try not to die of happiness.